My roommate and I rented a movie last week called Hall Pass. I’m sure you’ve all either seen it or know pretty much what it’s about from the trailer. But let me run it down for you really quick. Basically, two married guys, played by Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis, are given a break from marriage by their wives for a week. What proceeds is their epic conquests to cheat on their wives. It had it's funny moments, but by the end of it, all I could think was how sad it made me. One, the two characters could not have been more excited about cheating on their wives. Two, cheating actually did occur. And three, marriage was portrayed as some sort of prison sentence. Not exactly a feel-good cinematic experience.
It’s not just this movie though; relationships these days really and truly bring me down. Between the media, divorce rates and what I see going on with couples anymore, I’m simply not interested and furthermore, I see no reason to feel the society-imposed pressure on my mid-to-late twenties by “settling down”. But let me issue this disclaimer, I go through cynical phases and I think you happen to be catching me in one now, thus the negative tone, but it’s only because I’ve seen so much of this lately.
So, I’ve been thinking about why relationships are what they are anymore…or why they aren’t what they aren’t. Let’s face it, we’re living in a different world. A world of “friends with benefits”, prolific one-night-stands, and settling. Yup….settling. And I am in no way casting judgment because I have definitely been a settler, but I’m just not going to do it anymore. It’s a waste of time and there is no legitimate validation for it. The thing about a relationship that comes of settling is that they rarely ever get any better. The bar’s been set so low, it nearly touches the ground.
There are as many “reasons” for settling as there are people who do it…they’re lonely, it’s easier to deal with hard times when you’re not alone, it’s a distraction from other things in your life that you may not want to face, and sometimes you just want someone in bed next to you at night. A relationship settled is like a band aid…a temporary fix. It covers the scratch for a little while, but it’s going to eventually fall off and sometimes you’re left with a pretty nasty scar.
Why do I say this? Because of me…because I’ve settled and because I’ve felt the pressure of needing to be with someone. I wouldn’t say I was unhappy in those relationships, but I certainly wasn’t myself and I knew that I wanted and deserved more that what I had allowed myself to take. For someone who loves the fantastically romantic stories of Jane Austen, I’ve acted much more like a Bronte character; and I can tell you, no one will ever find their Mr. Darcy living life like that. For me personally, I’m scared to give my heart away…that’s why I’ve settled. Those guys stood no chance of breaking my heart because I didn’t give them that power. I can only hope that when someone worth it comes along, I’ll know it and will throw myself into it wholeheartedly. And I know it's out there. I look at my best friend in the whole world and she has truly found the person for her. I see it every time they're together. They're as in love now as they were in the beginning...maybe more. Not only am I thankful that they're both so happy, nearly eight years later, but I'm thankful that finding love isn't a fairy tale. It's just a matter of waiting for it and embracing it when you find it...and of course working at it, because true love or not....relationships are not easy. Until then, I am going to continue loving the single life. So far, that’s exactly what I’ve done. I’ve met some amazing people who love a good time just as much as I do, I’m back to being myself sans boy, and most importantly, I’m starting to realize the importance of enjoying every moment. I heard an amazing phrase not too long ago…follow your bliss. I wish that for everyone, I really do. Life is fleeting; wasting even just one moment, is one moment too many.
